I’m undergoing a fairly significant physical change right now. I’m in the process of losing 100 lbs. This is my quest for health and physical well-being. It feels good to be healthy. That’s the thing that they forget to tell you.

I’m sure I’ll talk about that more, but it’s not the main point of my entry today.

On Saturday, for the last time, I went to my favorite clothing store and had one last spending spree. I won’t be able to go there anymore. I am now wearing the smallest size they carry. I will soon be thrust out into the complex world of clothing organized by brand, obscurely named deparments and stores scattered throughout the malls and downtowns of my city, no my two cites and their suburbs. This terrifies me.

I have had the luxury and the simple pleasure of not having too many choices for the last decade. My store catered perfectly to me and my demographic. Flawlessly executed fashion for the ‘big girl’. These clothes are inexpensive, always on sale, fashionable and gasp sold in outfits. They make you feel pretty again even though you are fat. I can say that because I was quite fat.

Now this safe haven is gone. I don’t know of any stores like this in the world of non-obese women. I haven’t had to go there for a long time. But that’s over. I have to go there next time. It’s got a name this anxiety I feel. It’s called the paradox of choice. Too many. It can really create a problem. I just want some skirts, some shirts, some outfits, simple. However, if the retailers don’t appropriately disorient me I will exercise more self control over my purchase and that is not in their best interest.

So with significant trepidation I await the day when my size 14 clothes will simply be too big and I will be thrust into this very complicated place that I don’t want to go. So many things have changed in my life. This physical transformation has caused a cascading effect of many positive outcomes. It has sparked other things. I am happier. So I can’t worry too much about how I’ll find fashionable clothes at more than one store. It is after all an adventure. This whole thing is an adventure. I highly recommend it.